Monday, November 14, 2011

It's 10:45 am. Do you know what your husband is doing?

What does your husband do?

I am constantly amazed at the number of women that truly have very little idea what their husband does all day.  When you ask them, the answer is ‘some kind of engineering’ or ‘he’s in the finance department at XYZ company’ or “I don’t care as long as he sends home a paycheck”

I am certain this empty portion of the marriage is a major contributor to a great number of divorces. 

As women, we need to have a greater understanding of what our partner is going through for the majority of his waking hours.  When you think about it, he spends MUCH more time with those people than he does with you.  They are an extended family of sorts.  They go through a great deal on a daily basis that brings them together whether they like it or not. 

We must also consider that the loss of a job is not merely the loss of the ability to provide, but also a loss of the wacky extended family that he has been living with for many years.  There will be mourning.  If you don’t know ‘who’ he has lost in addition to ‘what’ he has lost, then your ability to support your spouse in his time of need will be severely limited. 

My husband and I are coming up on our 19th anniversary.  (Would you believe me if I told you I got married when I was 8?! I thought not.  Oh well.)  The secret to our longevity is due in no small part to nightly “de-briefings”.  When he was working as a process engineer, I could hold my own when shop talk would begin at social gatherings.  The shocked looks I received from the other engineers were a clear indication that none of their wives spoke the language.  The point is that I knew what was going on in his life on a daily basis and could cater my support of him because I was in touch with things like deadlines, vendors and the quirks of a SEM.  (Engineer lingo for a Scanning Electron Microscope.) 

We all desire to be understood.  The dentist who runs off with the hygienist is not only attracted to her physique, he is attracted to her because she ‘gets’ him. 

Make an effort to understand your spouse.  You can bet they will do the same.

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